WOAH-OH-OH IT'S MAGIC!

1. Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows Wknd/$ 125.1 Total/$125.1

2. Megamind/Paramount Wknd/$ 16.2 Total/$109.5

3. Unstoppable/Fox Wknd/$ 13.1 Total/$ 42.0

4. Due Date/Warners Wknd/$ 9.2 Total/$ 72.7

5. The Next Three Days/Lions Gate Wknd/$ 6.8 Total/$ 6.8

6. Morning Glory/Paramount Wknd/$ 5.2 Total/$ 19.9

7. Skyline/Universal Wknd/$ 3.4 Total/$ 17.6

8. Red/Summit Wknd/$ 2.5 Total/$ 83.6

9. For Colored Girls/Lions Gate Wknd/$ 2.4 Total/$ 34.5

10.Fair Game/Summit Wknd/$ 1.5 Total/$ 3.7

THIS WORLD IS NOW THEIRS

Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows opens at number one and I continue to be outside this cult, though strangely a pair of Harry Potter glasses are currently in my apartment. Long story short: drunk girl dressed up as Harry Potter character on Halloween (but not in a good way; I had to put her in a cab home). I keep trying to get them back to her, but every instance usually involves meeting her at some kind of Harry Potter event and that I simply cannot and will not do. I thought comic book geeks were annoying. And weird. This is a whole new animal. When I see them I want to take their lunch money and push them into lockers. I’m through the looking glass, people. Black is white and white is black.

BUILDINGS, WHORES AND DWEEBY ACTORS GAIN RESPECTABILITY AS THEY GET OLDER

Megamind is down to number two followed by Unstoppable at number three and also in this is the bodacious Rosario Dawson whose natural gifts are wasted in the role of Lower Level Employee Whose Sound Advice is Ignored By Higher Ups. Seriously, there’s nothing close to originality going on here regarding characters. Joining her is Kevin Corrigan as Expert Guy Who Just Happens To Be Around That Day and his gray hair made me feel old because I remember when he was the younger, dumb guy who hooked up with Catherine Keener in walking & talking. Now he’s the older smart guy. I’m older and graying too. Does that mean we can all be figures of authority?

THIS COULD BE YOU IN A SECOND, BLAKE LIVELY

Due Date is down to number four and this actually opened at number one over Megamind which I forgot to tell you. Also in this as the pregnant wife Robert Downey Jr is trying to get home to is Lara Flynn Boyle 2.0, a.k.a., Michelle Monaghan whose moment as the “Hot Young Thing” was oddly brief, though she had a solid run through the Hollywood machine. After a stand-out performance in Kiss, Kiss Bang, Bang (also with RDJ) and was soon promoted to love interest in Mission Impossible III for Tom Cruise, was Casey Affleck’s partner in Gone, Baby, Gone; with Shia Lebeouf in the Steven Spielberg produced Eagle Eye, alongside McDreamy in Made of Honor and Ben Stiller’s other love interest in The Heartbreak Kid. Basically not one breakout hit among them, just mediocrity either in production or results and so, goodbye heat, enter new “Hot Young Thing” to be passed along Hollywood’s aging leading men. Bye and thanks for playing!

I PICTURE HIM DRUNK SINGING INXS. YOU KNOW, PLAYING HIMSELF.

The Next Three Days opens at number five and Russell Crowe may need a little career re-evaluation. This opened poorly, Robin Hood wasn’t the hit many expected it to be, State of Play was good, but no one saw it and Body of Lies was both critically and financially disappointing. Before that it was the underperforming American Gangster, 3:10 To Yuma and the miserable A Good Year. Now given other stars in those movies (Ben Affleck, Leonardo DiCaprio, Denzel Washington, Christian Bale and Helen Mirren) have had success in other films, the one common factor in all those disappointments is him. Basically, when you think of the painfully serious Russell Crowe you don’t think “I’m going to have a good time at the movies no matter what.” Who else could make a Robin Hood movie that wasn’t even fun? Now this is a guy who should have been trying to get a cameo in The Hangover 2.

IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE. CHRIS TUCKER COULD HAVE BEEN IN IT.

Morning Glory is down to number six, followed by Skyline at number seven and the idiot director/writers of this are acting like victims because they made a crappy movie and got ripped for it. Basically these are special effects guys who were handed the keys and made something impressive-looking for $10M, but couldn’t create characters or plot or logic to save their lives and don’t think they should be judged for it. They even say, “We know it has flaws, but…” But nothing, dickweed! You charged people money and took up two hours of their lives with brain-eating aliens. They have a right to hate you for it. And I’ll say it again, you see Eric Balfour and you know it’s going to be crap. And Brett Ratner was an executive producer!?! Shit sandwich.

SERIOUSLY, YOU COULDN’T THINK OF A BETTER TITLE FOR THIS?

Red is down to number eight, followed by For Colored Girls at number nine and Fair Game enters the top ten at number ten and while I do like Doug Liman, I find Sean Penn insufferable and he’s playing a character who is in the right, so he’s probably going to be even more of a self-righteous ass than usual. Pass. Instead I’ll think about the other movie called Fair Game starring Cindy Crawford and William Baldwin, which pretty much killed both their movie careers. It was a loud steaming turd, but shit blew up, Salma Hayek had a cameo, Cindy took her shirt off and there was a love scene that looked like a music video, so I was happy. What do you want? I’m just a boy.