DRACULA RABINOWITZ

1. Grand Torino/Warner Wknd/$ 29.0 Total/$ 40.1
2. Bride Wars/Fox Wknd/$ 21.5 Total/$ 21.5
3. The Unborn/Universal Wknd/$ 21.1 Total/$ 21.1
4. Marley & Me/Fox Wknd/$ 11.4 Total/$ 123.7
5. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button Wknd/$ 9.5 Total/$ 94.3
6. Bedtime Stories/Disney Wknd/$ 8.6 Total/$ 97.2
7. Valkyrie/UA Wknd/$ 6.7 Total/$ 71.5
8. Yes Man/WB Wknd/$ 6.2 Total/$ 89.4
9. Not Easily Broken/ScreenGems Wknd/$ 5.6 Total/$ 5.6
10. Seven Pounds/Sony Wknd/$ 3.9 Total/$ 66.8

YOU FEELING LUCKY, WHIPPERSNAPPER?
Grand Torino (a.k.a, Old Dirty Harry) hops to number one as it finally enters wide release and if you noticed a dearth of old people on the streets this weekend, this is why. They were seeing the ultimate “you damn kids get off my lawn” movie, only he gets to shoot those “damn kids.” And it’s not just me. The movie fully acknowledges its cranky old armed man aspect by using that line. Given that I’m slowly settling into my cranky old man phase (which is much more socially acceptable than my cranky infant phase, cranky toddler phase, cranky prepubescent phase, cranky teen phase, cranky young man phase and cranky middle aged man phase), you’d think I’d have long since seen it, but I’m dragging my feet with all the overly long, downbeat Oscar bait and Eastwood’s movies (he also directed this) are known for their laconic nature. It’s gonna have to get some nominations to get me into it and maybe not even then.

MAIDEN HELL
Bride Wars opens at number two and this looks bad even for a January release and the critical responses back it up. Then again, who doesn’t know by now that if Kate Hudson’s in it, it sucks. Almost Famous was it. Somehow she sucked Anne Hathaway in to her web of mediocrity and wasted talent. I’m thinking she was just looking to do something upbeat (and well-paying) after the dark turmoil (and no money) of the indie Rachel Getting Married. Then again, maybe her ex advised her to do it. She’d better hope this isn’t her Norbit, the movie that sours the various award giving bodies. What’s especially sad is that two women are credited on the screenplay. Then again, being Black I understand how easy it is to be your own worst enemy at times. I mean, does the show Bridezillas do so well that someone thought you could make a movie about a warring pair? Who wants to pay to see not just one annoying bitch, but two!?! No to mention none of the jokes in the trailers are funny. You’d think the law of averages would give you at least one, but no. You know how this would really work? If Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway were best friends united against another woman who’d stolen her wedding date that way you get an angry bride but one who is somewhat sympathetic. But no one asked me, which is why most movies suck.

BUT WHERE ARE THE JEWISH VAMPIRE MOVIES?
The Unborn opens at number three and no that is not Megan Fox. It’s Odette Yusman, the answer to the question, “Can we get a less-slutty looking Megan Fox?” This is a rare entry into the Jewish horror genre (and only the third that I know) as the evil is a demon from Jewish mythology. Now, I don’t do the scary, but the idea of a Jewish demon unleashed because of what the Nazis did to them is interesting and it’s surprising that it hasn’t been done before. But this also written and directed by David Goyer, who wrote and directed Blade: Trinity, and that tells you all you need to know. Yeah, he wrote the good Blade movies too, not to mention both recent Batman movies (which would explain why Gary Oldman is here), but you know they’re all still filled with really crappy lines inexplicable bad moments at times and would probably have more if he were in control. Like here.

EMBARRASSING OTHER CELEBRITY KIDS THE WORLD OVER
Marley & Me is down to number four, followed by The Curious Case of Benjamin Button at number five and also in this in a scene-stealing role is Jared Harris, continuing his career of scene stealing supporting roles as the sons of Richard Harris are wont to do. He plays the captain of a tug boat with dreams of being an artist, becoming a surrogate father of sorts for Benjamin when he becomes part of the crew. He takes the technically teen Benjamin to a whorehouse as well, where Benjamin unknowingly actually runs into his biological father who subsequently takes him for his first drink. Solid role models everywhere.

IT’S NICE TO HAVE A PARTNER WHO SHARES YOUR INTERESTS
Bedtime Story is down to number five and here is where I’d begin my rant about Keri Russell being too young (not to mention pretty) to play the love interest of Adam Sandler in this movie, only it was Adam Sandler’s wife who suggested he choose her after she saw Russell in Waitress. Of course Sandler’s wife is a decade his junior and pretty, so I guess it makes an odd sort of sense

EVERYONE IN THIS IS WONDERING WHEN THEY’LL WORK NEXT
Valkyerie is down to number six and this was directed by Bryan Singer, and while they’re dancing around it, the billion dollar gross of The Dark Knight and announcement they’re going to reboot the Superman franchise from scratch has pretty much insured that Singer is not coming back as the director. Maybe this time they’ll actually take time to read the fucking script too, because it’s not that Superman Returns wasn’t well made, it was just poorly written. Superman as a baby daddy simply does. not. work. Not to mention he otherwise Xeroxed the plot of Superman The Movie, a plot Singer was never shy of criticizing.

GNAWING ON MY BONE OF CONTENTION ONE MORE TIME
Yes Man is down to number eight and this I will criticize for pairing forty-something Jim Carrey with twentysomething Zoey Deschanel. I have to ask, did every actress over 35 have something better to do than read for this film or were they simply not asked at all? I think we all know the answer. Did he miss that his last $100M+ films---Bruce Almighty and Fun With Dick And Jane---gave him Jennifer Anniston and Tea Leoni as age appropriate partners?

JESUS WANTS YOU TO BE A FOOTBALL WIDOW
Opening at number ten is Not Easily Broken and this is yet another one of those movies that succeeds because church groups go to see them. Basically, no one you know or would want to know, but if you’re Black expect a relative or two to sing its praises. A lot these seem to stink of trouble that gets solved once a Black woman learns her place. Even the commercials for this are about how she’s not appreciating him. It’s rarely about a woman whose man learns to appreciate her. You’d be shocked at how traditionally conservative both Blacks and Latinos people can be while all the while making jokes about how uptight White people are. Hell, just ask the gay populace of California about Proposition 8. They found this out the hard way.

ONE OF THESE THINGS IS NOT LIKE THE OTHER
Finally, Seven Pounds closes out the top ten at number ten and also in this is Woody Harrelson, who actually used to star in movies. What were we thinking to let that happen? One of these movies was The Cowboy Way, which turned up in a calendar about movies in New York I was going buy and was pretty much the reason I didn’t buy it (I vetoed a second straight year of Star Trek and instead went with Bond, James Bond). What makes this especially sad is that this calendar comes from the New York City Office of Film, Theater and Broadcasting. Now, out of all the classic films shot in New York, how the fuck does The Cowboy Way make it onto your calendar!?! I mean, who the fuck thinks Marilyn Monroe on a subway grate, Audrey Hepburn in front of Tiffany’s, John Travolta walking through Bayridge and Woody Harrelson on the Brooklyn Bridge? Whoever they are, they need to be fired and I should be given their job.

IT’S A HARD KNOCK LIFE DESI STYLE
Out of the top ten but sure to return is Slumdog Millionaire. I finally saw it and “Dickensian” is the best way I can think of to describe it. After all, it’s a story about an orphan and his brother who survive in one of the most crowded cities on earth on pluck and verve and no shortage of mildly activity. It wouldn’t take much to transfer this to turn of the century London, but of course then you’d lose the whole “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?” aspect of it all, which serves as the framing device for the story. While being interrogated for cheating on show, he tells the story of his life, which is filled with experiences that bring him the knowledge he’s employing. It’s not new by any stretch of the imagination, but so well executed you don’t mind it, even if it reduces the role of the female love interest to merely to be saved by him. Though she’s survived all the same experiences he has (if not worse) she seems to be carried along by the currents of life while he and his brother are swimming. And do I have to tell you, that one brother is good while the other is bad, but even through fights and betrayals their bond stays true? This has quickly become the movie to see in the Awards season and bears the rare distinction of being a well-done feel-good movie. But if I’m running tourism in India, I’m not happy. I mean, it opens with the police torturing him and we then follow his life growing up in one of the worst slums in the world, filled with gangsters who deliberately blind children so they’ll make more begging on the streets. No one is making vacation plans there after seeing this. It begs the question why the world isn’t filled with gangsta Indian rap. “R.R.E.A.M/Rupees rule everything around me/Get the money…”

TATTOO YOU
Remember when I said I kept seeing beautiful people jogging and rollerblading as I rode around the city? Well, this being NYC, it’s not a stretch to imagine some of them are professionally so, especially if they’re tall and thin. One such person was jogging on the Lower East Side, and stood out not simply because of her looks, but the large dragon tattoo on her ankle. This means I was hardly surprised to see that tattoo again on the cover of Tattoo Life magazine or to look inside and find out she’s a model named Sophie Miester (though she’s studying to be an actress at Strasberg here in New York). Amongst her other tattoos, she not only has her initials tattooed at the base of her spine, but something on her belly that pretty much goes all the way down to her vagina. Her agency must love that (it both thrills and frightens me). She has no choice but to try to find acting work, because she’s severely limited her modeling options, Photoshop not withstanding.