1. Where the Wild Things Are/Warner Wknd/$ 32.5 Total/$ 32.5
2. Law Abiding Citizen/Over Wknd/$ 21.3 Total/$ 21.3
3. Paranormal Activity/Paramount Wknd/$ 20.2 Total/$ 33.7
4. Couples Retreat/Universal Wknd/$ 17.9 Total/$ 63.3
5. The Stepfather/SG Wknd/$ 12.3 Total/$ 12.3
6. Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs Wknd/$ 8.1 Total/$ 108.3
7. Zombieland/Sony Wknd/$ 7.8 Total/$ 60.8
8. Toy Story 1&2 3D/Disney Wknd/$ 3.0 Total/$ 28.6
9. Surrogates/Touchstone Wknd/$ 1.9 Total/$ 36.3
10. The Invention of Lying/Warner Wknd/$ 1.9 Total/$ 15.5
A LITTLE LESS WILD RUMPUS ON MY PART WAS NEEDED
Where The Wild Things Are opens at number one and I tried to see this but the Saturday morning screening I went to was actually cancelled. Not sold out, but cancelled! I tried again on Sunday morning, but this time I was betrayed by my body, which informed me that the past week of bad food and drinking was going to cost me more than the usual gut and man boobs and refused to let me get out of bed. So until I get to see it my favorite thing about the release of the movie so far is Maurice Sendak saying that any parent who thinks the movie is too scary for their kids “can go to hell!” And honestly, is anyone surprised? The book scared me as a kid, though I loved it. It would be incomplete for me to lack any anxiety of some sort.
RELEASING THOSE CRAPPY ALBUMS ISN’T HELPING, JAMIE
Law Abiding Citizen opens at number two and Gerard Butler continues to piss away his 300 heat in bad movie after bad movie and no, I don’t have to see this to know it’s bad. Butler plays some sort of former government agent getting revenge on the system for letting the murderer of his wife and child go free even though he’s already killed the murderer himself. Joining him in this downward spiral is Jamie Foxx, clearly set on joining those for whom winning an Oscar results in a surprised response due to how much overwhelming crap otherwise fills their resume. You know, like how Shelly Winters was at the end. He could blame Stealth on being pre-Oscar. This, not so much. And for Butler this comes barely two months after Gamer. You know what did make money? The Ugly Truth. $170M worldwide from a $38M budget, so look out, Matthew McConughey, someone’s coming for your B-List “lovable rogue changed by the love of a good woman” romantic comedy throne.
YEAH, I KNOW WHAT I SAID TO GERARD BUTLER, BUT THIS IS DIFFERENT
Paranormal Activity jumps to number three and my feelings on this are clear. It looks scary. I will not see it. But I want the stars of this to grab as much work thrown their way as humanly possible. You know the people from The Blair Witch Project wish they had.
SWEET CHARLOTTE
Couples Retreat is down to number four and did I mention how much I loved Kristin Davis finally being allowed to play sexy? Not to mention the tropical setting requiring a wardrobe made up of bikinis? Well, I did. It’s flat out my favorite part of the movie. Even though her being married to Jon Favreau is a bit of a stretch for me. First that troll on Sex & The City and now this? When does she get the dude as hot as she is? Though I must admit it makes a little more sense once we’re told he was the high school football star and she was a cheerleader and they got married because she got pregnant. But don’t bother looking for those scenes in the trailer where they cheat on each other. They were cut. One nice touch is that their daughter is a hottie, which is what you expect from any child of Kristin Davis.
CLEARLY THE RESULT OF STEPMOTHERS TIRED OF BEING VILIFIED
The Stepfather opens at number five and this is remake of a very creepy little movie about a guy who starts killing people if his family isn’t perfect. It’s clearly been remade as a teen “stepdad from hell” flick starring Dan from Gossip Girl, instantly making it more appealing to one group and less appealing to another. I had no interest in the original and I don’t have any interest in this one.
EVEN BETTER IF THEY INCLUDE A ZOMBIE DANCE NUMBER
Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs is down to number six, followed by Zombieland at number seven and what the hell is Abigail Breslin doing in this!?! If you tell me she’s a zombie, I may have to reconsider my decision not to see it. Zombie Little Miss Sunshine would be a must-see.
BECAUSE GOD FORBID THEY CAST AN OLDER WOMAN
Toy Story 1&2 3D is down to number eight, followed by The Surrogates at number nine and also in this is Rosamund Pike, better known as Miranda Frost, the traitorous cold-but-sexy agent from Die Another Day. She plays Bruce Willis’ wife and while she plays her age as a robot, they age up her human appearance so she can appear to be as old as Bruce Willis, whose robot self is de-aged with special effects, so he can simply play his age as himself. Everybody got that?
THE END
Finally, The Invention of Lying closes out the top ten at number ten.
NO NICE & SMOOTH EITHER? DAYUM.
VH1 Hip Hop Honors was devoted to Rick Rubin and Russell Simmons, aka, Def Jam and it’s easily the most consistently entertaining Awards show, because it’s all about performances (i.e, no speeches), but you could feel the energy level drop when it switched from the older stuff to the later and despite all claims to the contrary, as Def Jam became more successful, the work became slicker. And where the hell were Reverend Run and DMC? Yeah, the ultimate irony is that one of the greatest rap acts ever wasn’t on the greatest rap label even though they were brothers, but still, how could they not at least be there or be interviewed? And those Tracy Jordan comedy bits just sucked and we could have sacrificed them totally to have Oran “Juice” Jones sing more than just a few bars. And where was Slick Rick!?! Hello!?! It should have gone from Slick Rick’s “Bedtime Story” and segued into Montel Jordan’s “This Is How We Do It.” Not to mention 3rD Bass is sitting in the audience right behind Rick and Russell and don’t get so much as a mention. And even though I entered NYU in 1984 at the same time Rick Rubin started the label, I tell myself that it was before I got there in the fall. I mean, the only time I even went to the hellish Weinstein Dorm was to eat breakfast and try to talk to a talk Greek girl on the fencing team. I only succeeded in getting breakfast. I’d rather not think I missed out on both booty and the opportunity of a lifetime. It’s like saying you were in Liverpool in the 50’s never seemed to run into The Beatles or in Paris in the 30’s but missed the whole expatriate thing with F. Scott Fitzgerald and Ernest Hemmingway.
WOULD YOU LIKE A LITTLE DINNER WITH YOUR WINE?
So, I actually went to Hoboken to have dinner with my ex-boss (no, this doesn’t mean I’ll come to Queens for you). And by dinner, I mean killing a bottle of wine while trying to decide what we were going to eat then taking another to dinner (where they turned it into sangria) with us because apparently BYOB is very common in Hoboken. I liked my ex-boss from the first moment I met her because of three main reasons: 1) she cursed like a sailor, 2) clearly thought the first two or three buttons of every blouse were merely decorations as she never used them and 3) kinda looks like a cross between Debra Messing and Ellen Pompeo (Meredith Grey to you). She’d actually heard the Debra Messing comparison before and attributed it them both being tall, loud Jews. She also had a great fashion sense, occasionally rocking some of her mother’s clothes from the late 60’s early 70’s. She even told me she’d just bought a few pairs of flat boots because they were making fun of her at her new job for always wearing stiletto boots, which make her around six feet. We’d never really hung out before, but once out at a local Mexican place, she pretty much confirmed being like all the other women I know who suffer no fools gladly---especially jocky frat boys like the table next to us, which was filled with them. The irony being, during her college days, that’s who she dated, being a jock herself. Well, as much of a jock as you can be in Canada. What? What’d I say? By the end of the night we’d pretty much finished three bottles of wine so I was semi-left to my own devices to get home. She had no idea when the bus ran that had brought me out, so basically called a cab and told me go wait outside for it despite having mentioned she still felt Hoboken was a bit dodgy. I didn’t get that feeling, but then again, I was a black guy in a black leather coat. Who’s a threat to me in fucking Hoboken? My cab just drove past me and after waiting for a few minutes, I realized he wasn’t just circling the block. I walked back over to Washington Street, which is the main thoroughfare, and waited a few more minutes to see if the bus was going back into the city so I could use my round trip ticket. It wasn’t, so I took the number off a passing cab, called one for myself and had it take me to the PATH train where I went against the flux of delusional people coming back from the city, valiantly trying to convince themselves that living there was just as good as living in Manhattan. No. No, it isn’t. You’re all losers.
NOT THAT I DON’T HAVE EXCELLENT TASTE
There are a many great things about shopping in New York, but one that strangely goes unmentioned is the unsolicited opinion of gay men while shopping alone. Seriously, when faced with a decision and without a friend to turn to, whatever would we do without the eyerolls, snickers and flat out mockery of total strangers and their boyfriends? Of course the downside is some of your more extravagant choices which should probably kept to yourself will be encouraged, because these aren’t people known for moderating or suppressing one’s true self. I think that’s how I got my pirate-Jesus shirt, which I threw in the goodwill pile last week after not wearing it for two years. And the beautiful, beautiful butter-soft tan leather trench I was trying on despite it being a size too small, was endorsed by a diminutive Latin man who told me, “If I could wear that color, I would get it.” I got it again Just last week I was in Old Navy looking for something to wear while working out in the cold weather. I was trying on a golden performance fleece top (I’ll be wearing it at night while riding, so the brighter the better) and was a little worried about whether or not the size was right when I noticed two old queens easily in their 60’s behind me in the mirror smiling. I turned for judgment and was told that I looked great in and should buy it. So I did. Now that I no longer have my shopping buddy, these moments are more important than ever.
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