1. The Social Network/Sony Wknd/$ 15.5 Total/$ 46.1
2. Life As We Know It/Warners Wknd/$ 14.6 Total/$ 14.6
3. Secretariat/Disney Wknd/$ 12.6 Total/$ 12.6
4. Legend of the Guardians/Warners Wknd/$ 7.0 Total/$ 39.4
5. My Soul To Take/Universal Wknd/$ 6.9 Total/$ 6.9
6. The Town/Warners Wknd/$ 6.4 Total/$ 73.8
7. Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps/Fox Wknd/$ 4.6 Total/$ 43.7
8. Easy A/Screen Gems Wknd/$ 4.2 Total/$ 48.1
9. Case 39/Paramount Wknd/$ 2.6 Total/$ 9.6
10. You Again/Touchstone Wknd/$ 2.4 Total/$ 20.7
THE TRUTH SUCKS
The Social Network holds at number one and I pretty much expected a few women would be pissed about this movie, because basically it’s about a bunch of dudes being dickheads, which really doesn’t lead to strong female roles, but not being able to see the forest for the trees always surprises me. Did you miss the song used the trailer was Radiohead's "Creep"? I mean why would there be a strong female role in a movie about dickheads? It’s like there being no strong minority roles in movie about Nazis. And then there’s the criticism about it now being factual. No shit. A Hollywood film based on real events uses almost none of those real events. Know why? BECAUSE A MOVIE ABOUT A FUCKING WEBSITE BEING BUILT WOULD BE AS BORING AS SHIT! Next you’re going to tell me that Joe Montana came out and revealed that Rudy was jack shit. That said, Jesse Eisenberg is the dark Michael Cera. He’s a master of these geek characters who are in their own way as mean as the frat types who wind up bullying them. But while Cera plays these guys for laughs in increasingly poor films (Nick & Nora’s Infinite Playlist, Youth In Revolt, Scott Pilgrim Saves The World) Eisenberg’s films get better and better (Adventureland, Solitary Man, Zombieland). But they’re both playing the roles that Topher Grace has grown too old for.
A RANGE FROM A TO A
Life As We Know It opens at number two and given Katherine Heigl is producing this she might want to give herself a role that for once isn’t an uptight career woman. Yes, she does it effortlessly and stretching might end in disaster (think Michael J. Fox when he tried to play working class rather than smart, upcoming business guys), but please put some kind of spin on it. Make the character darker, dumber, something. I like her as an actress but even I wasn’t going to see this shit. First of all, the contrived set up. “Hey, honey, if we die let’s leave our baby to our two closest friends together, even though one is an aging manchild and the other is a repressed workaholic and they hate each other. It’d be a cute movie one day.” Secondly, we get it. You will never let someone who looks like Seth Rogen touch you on film again. Since that movie it’s been vapid pretty boy after vapid pretty boy (Ashton Kutcher, James Marsden, Josh Duhmael). And while I applaud your stance on principle, you might want to at least get pretty with substance like, Josh Duhmael’s dark twin, Timothy Olyphant. That I would have paid to see.
A HORSE IS A HORSE, OF COURSE OF COURSE
Secretariat opens at number three and didn’t we just see this? A nice-looking period piece about a horse? Oh, that was Seabiscuit. Same thing. Which is why I didn’t bother to see this even though I like Diane Lane a helluva lot more than I do Tobey Maguire. That it’s a flat out Disney production also suggests a lack of three dimensions which something like this desperately needs to save itself from being a dull bio-pic…about a horse.
OWLS, SCHMOWLS. LET’S DISCUSS SOMETHING IMPORTANT LIKE SUPERMAN.
Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole is down to number four and clearly God hates me because the director of this, Zack Synder, is the director of the next Superman movie. God forbid there be a director with an actual imagination for one of pop culture’s greatest creations, the character that gave birth to an entire genre. Looking forward to Jor-El kicking Zod into the Phantom Zone screaming “This…is…KRYPTON!!!”
WE’VE GOT A BURN VICTIM WITH CLAW FINGERS SHOT TO DEATH IN SOUTH CENTRAL…
My Soul To Take opens at number five and is even Wes Craven so afraid of Saw that he won’t open his film on Halloween? Here’s the scenario, kids: Saw is the Halloween movie and everyone will try to go see it. Everyone will not get in, so where will they go? To your scary movie also opening on the same day. Damn, it’s not rocket science. What fucking good is your story-killing, logic defying degree in Marketing for any goddamned way? Oh, this about teenagers being killed by a dead serial killer from their small town. Same old, same old. Notice how this shit never happens in New York or LA. Teenagers there wouldn’t be going down without at fight.
WHEN IN DOUBT ALWAYS CHECK THE DRAPES!
The Town is down to number six, followed by Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps at number seven and Easy A at number eight and in more geek news, Emma Stone will be the new Gwen Stacy in the Spider-Man reboot. Okay, so I’ll sum it up for you. Natural blonde Kirsten Dunst was made into a redhead to play Mary Jane, while natural redhead Bryce Howard was made into blonde to play Gwen Stacy. Now natural blonde Emma Stone who has been dying her hair red all this time will let it return to its natural blonde state. Got it? Good.
WE LIKED YOU JUST AS YOU WERE
Case 39 is down to number nine and also in this is current “it” boy, Bradley Cooper. You’d think they’d be making a little more of that given how under the radar this film has been. Also, isn’t Renee Zellweger a star in her own right? An Oscar winner? Why is it then it feels like she either rarely works and when she does it barely gets noticed? Will we need a third Bridget Jones movie for her?
NO COUNTRY FOR OLD WOMEN
Finally, You Again closes out the top ten at number ten and enough with the Betty White already, okay? She’d probably appreciate a little rest at her age. And if you want to see her do this old lady with a wicked tongue thing right, check out the underrated horror comedy, Lake Placid.
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